à To revise my essay I need to first off tweak my thesis. Instead of having it lengthy and wordy I'm going to make it more concise. In my thesis I use some weak/passive language.
à My main goal: to make this less of an example essay.
à Sometimes end my quote and then jump right into another one; rather, I need to analyze the first quote thoroughly before continuing on to the second quote.
àI have to always make sure that my sentence is understandable and that the language agrees.
à I need to find my best points and put them in one place to clarify and develop them!
